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Growing up I had often wondered why we as a society worshipped only a male God. Deep down I thought God could very possibly be female. The thought of both didn't really cross my mind, but in studying Paganism, it makes sense that there is a feminine as well as a masculine aspect to divinity. There are both men and women on Earth, as well as an equality and balance in nature itself. It would be unbalanced to only have one or the other. I've always had an interest in magick, as well. I was enthralled by the thought of casting spells, but I felt a slight fear as well. Was it "bad" to use spells to get what you wanted? What if I tried them and failed? Or maybe worse...succeeded? I believe that that fear was what held me at bay for many years from pursuing a study of Paganism. As a teenager on the brink of adulthood, just out of high school, I became more interested in the fact that magick might actually "be real" and I realized my beliefs were an actual religion...or more appropriately, a way of life. Religion, to me, is something that people follow...more of a "do this, do that" sort of system. Spirituality (or way of life) is something that you feel deep down...from your heart, but even deeper than that...from your soul. It's something you feel with every fiber of your being. I became more interested in these feelings that I had, but again, that fear surfaced. I was never really afraid of what people would think of me and my "views". My beliefs were my business. The fear stemmed from failure...and success. Now, many years later, I have had what I feel is my "calling" to the Pagan path. A little more than a year and a half ago I stumbled onto many Pagan/Wiccan based web sites, most full of so much of the same ideals and beliefs as my own. I feel I am now mature enough to actively study and practice what I believe. When first starting out, I had fears of failure, success, and losing friendships over my beliefs. A year and a half later, those fears have diminished greatly. I am much more confident in my beliefs and practices than I was while starting out upon this path. Paganism teaches the ideals and beliefs that are closest to my own heart. There is not just an all encompassing God, but a Goddess who walks equally with Him. Rather than the Divine being away from us in "Heaven," it is here, within all of Earth's creatures as well as the Earth itself. I feel much closer to the Goddess and God now, knowing that they are in my heart. Rather than sitting in a stuffy church, that has always made me feel uncomfortable, I can "worship" wherever I please...in my own home or out in nature. Rather than being a sinful person from birth, I am born innocent and only my actions in this life determine otherwise. I say "in this life" because, as many Pagans believe, our souls reincarnate into another physical body after the current one dies. But our actions in the here and now determine what happens to us later in this life, not in other lives. When we are born into a new life, we start with a clean slate...sinless and in no way needing to be "saved." Paganism is therefore a very "free" way of life. There are many different denominations or "Traditions" in following the Pagan path. Some are more structured than others. I am an Eclectic/Solitary. This let's me practice and learn in my own time and place, without having to locate a coven (group). It allows me to "pick and choose" from other Trads what I personally believe and how I worship. If I don't like something, I don't do it. If it works well in practice, then I keep it. I have a full range of freedom as long as I follow the Wiccan Rede: And it harm none, do what you will.
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